A Foundation

I procrastinate in prayer. I know that if I do not set aside a time and a place, prayer will not just work its way into my life. And yet I always put it off. Always hopping that tomorrow will be better without actually determining why or how it will be better. Singh wrote that the habits we form now are the foundation for our eternal life. And this is really a cool way to look at my prayer life, because I am setting a foundation for my relationship with God that will span into eternity. Maybe one day I'll be walking with God and heaven and I can say "Hey, remember when I use to take walks and talk with you on earth?" That's a goal worth striving for. Some ways that I can implement prayer into my life is to set a time and not waiver on it. If I cannot make an appointment with God and keep it, I do not really value the relationship. I will have to literally set an alarm and not make plans during this time. It seems somewhat harsh, but I need to check my priorities and see who is the most important person in my life. And I want that person to be God, not myself or others.

Studying is kind of like worship.

      God does not take delight in half-hearted lives by those who say that they are his followers. We must be all in, 100%. Edwards puts it this way “In nothing is the state of our heart so crucial as in religion, and in nothing is lukewarmness so odious.” Our passion for Christ must work its way into every aspect of our lives, including education. Our passions affect the efforts and integrity with which we engage our studying. When I do not feel like putting my all into a project, I think of the passage that tells servants to work hard, as if to the Lord and not to man (col. 3:23).  I am a servant of the Lord. The purpose of every aspect of my life is to glorify God, and my work ethic points to the one to whom I am working for (God, not teachers). Likewise, my schooling is affecting my passion for Christ. I am so blessed to be able to be taught by professors who are not only willing to teach me the truth, but also to live it out. The things I am learning here at ETBU are undoubtedly bringing me closer to God. The more I learn about God and his character, the more I fall in love with him. The more I learn about service, the more I am drawn to serve. Through the days of stress, I have learned to be calmed by the peace of God. Religion that can be separated from everyday action is not true religion. Faith without works is dead. 

Prayer=awkward and powerful?

      Pray has never been easy for me. So the prospect of going to church for an hour to pray was a bit intimidating. I will be honest in saying that as I was praying, I did not always feel as if I was being productive. If I am not talking the entire time during prayer my mind starts to wander, therefore listening is complicated. And this happened. I would speak to God then remain silent to listen and my mind would go into complete thought chaos. I did this on and off for about half an hour. I then took out a piece of paper and began writing out my confusion. And before I knew it, what started out as a fleshing out of a prayer problem turned into prayer. I have written out my prayers before, but today I think I came to an understanding that it is ok to do so. My written out prayers are not “less” prayer-like than prayers merely spoken inside ones head. Despite my struggles during the actual prayer time, I do feel like I was more prepared for worship through the music and the lesson. I was able to get my heart in the correct perspective before the service even began, instead of struggling to get to that place during the service. This was really cool. I do not often think about preparing myself to encounter God before I get to church. But if I did, how much more would I get out of the lesson and how much more would I be able to engage in worship? 

Holiness, not happiness, is the goal.

     As soon as I read the section about spiritual wrath, I felt as if John of the Cross was writing directly to me. I have been going though this time in my life where I have not been feeling any of the joys or benefits of being in Christ. At the same time, I have been asking myself what I must be doing wrong, and not coming to any real conclusion. I am like the infant he wrote about, throwing a fit for the milk that I once got, all the while not understanding that God is trying to draw me closer to himself. John says that is it impatience. I want God to heal me of my hurt right now. I want to be happy, but what I must need is contentment. I must learn to be satisfied with where God has taken me, knowing that he indeed has a plan for this “dark night.”

Wisdom from friends.

     Lucy’s first blog post really stood out to me. She wrote about how she used to struggle with serving two masters, herself and God. One part that spoke to me was when she wrote about how she got tired of just being good on her own, but she still sought out attention for doing good works. Our acting the part of a “good” Christian causes us to become prideful and then we want the attention for our own “righteous” actions. As Christians, we should stop trying to act good on our own. Instead, we need to give God the glory he deserves for the righteousness he produces in our lives. This was a really insightful way to look at the reasoning going on behind my own desire to receive recognition for my “righteousness.” Most Christian’s struggle with acting good instead of being real and admitting brokenness. I hope we can come to the realization that God is the one who works righteousness in us, anything else is just pride. 

He's scared of being found out.

      Satan’s power to tempt Christians lies in his fierce ability to deceive. Ignatius of Loyola says we are often like an “open door.” Meaning that we do not feel that the urgings of Satan are evil because, often, our own spirit is deceived to think that these urgings are holy. Because Satan is so equipped to deceive, his great fear is being revealed. The Bible teaches us in James 5:16 to confess our sins to one another to be healed. I believe this is because when we reveal our sin, and therefore the temptation and deception of Satan, he no longer has a hold on us. This is one practice that I know I need to put into action more in my life. I often get so caught up in this ruse that there is nothing wrong inside of me that I continue to let Satan hold my sins over me. He continues to deceive me when I will not admit that I am indeed being deceived. Accountability is key; and I need this more on a regular basis. 

These three things.

These three things I ask of God.

1) To have intimacy with him that surpasses all human relationships. I want that intimacy to go beyond merely "spending time" with God, as if He is a friend, to sharing life with God, as if he is a part of myself.

2) To have an unquenchable purpose for all of my days. Not just "one day," but every day, every moment.

3) For God to take me through some sort of event or journey that only He could bring me out of. Similar to Julian of Norwich's desire to be deathly ill in order to "live more to his glory." Only I do not pray that God makes me ill to that extent. It is more that I wish to be taken through a situation (either as a participant or as a witness) where God is the only way out.