Dear Friend,

                   As you grow in your walk with the Lord, know that you are not alone.  I used to go about my walk with Jesus as if it was just me and him. I thought I didn’t need anyone else. But the truth is that he has made man for community. Don’t be afraid to let people in and be vulnerable. Don’t shut out the love and lessons that God wants to teach you through relationships. Let God use people in your life. 

                  There are going to be “dark” periods in your life. Times when nothing seems right and times when you don’t feel like God is there. These times don’t always mean that you’re doing something wrong. It just means that you are human. Sometimes God distances himself so that we chase harder after him. Like a parent hiding behind the next aisle from their child, they are still there. They are simply trying to see if the child is paying attention; teaching them how important is it to stay close. Many people act like it’s not ok to be sad or even depressed as a Christian; as if you cannot be human and love Jesus at the same time. But this is simply not true. We are still alive. We are still on this earth. We feel. We hurt. Don’t hide behind a mask because you are afraid of what the church may say. Be real. Be honest. Let healing come. It’s not easy, but it’s real.

                  Often in prayer for me it has been hard to stay focused. I find my mind wandering. One thing that has helped me is to journal. Write down what you’re saying to God. Or go outside and talk to God out loud. Go somewhere where you can be alone and just converse with God. When you don’t know what to say, praise him for who he is. We can never run out of awesome things to say about God. Don’t be afraid to tell God when you are struggling to focus on him. He already knows. He is not mad at you. He loves you. He loves to hear you ask him for help. Be real with God, he’s big enough to handle it.

                  Don’t forget that this is a struggle. The Christian life is not easy. There are going to be people who don’t understand you and an Enemy who doesn’t want you to bring glory to God with your life. But never give up hope. Keep pressing onward. Draw close to your Father. Stay in community.

"Deny yourselves...and follow me."

     Be in the world and not of the world. This is told spoken about all around different Christian circles. It is something that every Christian has been called to. The world all around up tries to influence us to do certain things like “dress to impress,” which tells girls and boys from a young age that they have to dress in a provocative way in order to attract the attention, and ultimately love, of another. This goes against what the Bible teaches about looking at the heart of a person, as God does, rather than their appearances, which will fade with time. Culture teaches people that being sexy is the greatest compliment a person can receive, when the Bible teaches that the only person who should think one is sexy is his or her spouse. Beauty and love have been turned into self-centered, twisted things, where beauty is what causes lust and love is what makes you happy or feel good. This is not the love that Christ showed on the cross. Being utterly tortured and humiliated did not make Him feel good. I struggle with each of these examples to certain degrees. It can be hard not to dress pretty in order not to get people to notice me (even while staying modest).  It can be hard in friendships to realize that loving my friends is not about what I get out of the relationship, but about how I can love them and walk with them towards the Lord. But this is what God has called me to; humility and other-centeredness. Calvin writes how important self-denial is in the life of a believer. He writes, “the denial of ourselves will leave no room for pride.” Without self-denial, we refuse to become humble by submitting ourselves unto God's will rather than our own. And this is exactly with Christ did. He submitted himself to the Father in humility, denying the desires of his flesh to flee death and suffering. 

To See a Spiders Web.

      I saw so much today, truly. This post will make me sound like a complete tree-hugging hippie, but oh well. I walked through a patch of trees. And everywhere I looked I saw the provision of God. I saw that way that he gives water to the trees, and acorns to the squirrels. I saw that way he gave a home for a spider’s web in a bare tree. There are so many things going on in nature and God is acquainted with each aspect. I walked, telling God about how powerful he is and how caring his heart is towards life. He brings about all change for new life. His plans are wonderful. This is a practice that I love and have done many times before. It brings me into such intimacy with the Creator. I should remember it do it more often, not getting caught up in the creations of man and missing the breathtaking works of God himself. 

Jesus, Friend of Sinners

      Evangelism, as it is often thought of, is very hard to do. The way I have often seen it exercised is by going door to door and sharing the good news. And while this is not a bad thing, it is hard for me to do because it doesn’t involve an ongoing relationship. In addition, I can be shy when I am first introduced to a new situation. Door to door evangelism, or things of that sort, do not mix well with my personally. But if we’re talking about evangelism as in sharing Christ with others in a more casual, ongoing process, That is something that I do more often and I am more comfortable with. Nee’s writing encouraged me in this. He said that Christ comes to people as a friend before he becomes their savior. This is great because it exemplified how a person has to first be introduced to Christ as a person before they will really accept him into their life. Often we approach people, through evangelism, by presenting Jesus as a savior, without first letting them person meet Jesus as a person. Go and tell evangelism is important, as Francis of Assisi wrote about. It is important to tell the good news to the multitudes of dying people. But relationship evangelism also has it’s place, where people can learn to know Jesus as you are learning to know them. I personally need to be willing to reach out of my normal comfort zone of being quiet when I first meet people, in order to share Christ with them. Then I need to not just talk about Jesus as a savior, but also as a person who wants to be a friend of sinners. 

Humility.

      Jeremy Taylor wrote a list of nineteen different things that one can do to become more humble. The easiest one for me to do is number thirteen, which talks about praising others. I really enjoy making other people light up by complimenting them. I do not see others' success as a threat to me when I am the one giving the praise. The hardest one for me, however, is number eleven, which talks about feeling angry when people undervalue you. This is extremely hard for me. I take criticism so personally, and then hold resentment against others. Words of affirmation are definitely my love language. Therefore, when people fail to let me know that I am doing well, I feel unloved and unappreciated. This is so hard to overcome. I am always learning that my value comes from God, and he loves me even when I fail. 

For I am not ashamed...

     Growing up, sometimes my family had money, and sometimes we didn’t. We lived in an adobe brick house that we built ourselves. It was very unconventional. When I was very young, I didn’t know that I “should” feel embarrassed about not having money or a nice, normal, house. But when I became a teenager, I sometimes did feel embarrassed.  I felt abnormal, like everyone pitied me. Now, I am very encouraged by my background. I am so glad that God took my family through highs and lows. He has taught me to be content in everything, and I can relate to so many people.

     Now that I have grown up and am pursuing my own career, I sometimes feel ashamed of my vocation. I don’t mean that I always feel ashamed that I want to do missions. Most of the time I am extremely excited that God would choose me for such a task. But sometimes, the pressure placed upon me by family members to do something more difficult (like medical school) in school gets into my head. Most people do not think as missions as a job. I feel like many think that I am pursuing a hobby, and that I will be unprepared when I enter into the “real world” after graduation. But I also take encouragement in my vocation, praising God that he is helping me to escape the capitalist mindset of living to make as much money as I can.  Instead, I am trying to live for something that will last into eternity.

            

The Life-Changing Event

The popular belief of conversion today is that conversion happens all at one time and requires no upkeep. This is the idea that Christ saves someone at the point of salvation, and nothing following this event can make someone “loose their salvation.” E. Stanley Jones explains conversion a bit differently. He writes that conversion is, indeed, an act of God, but it also requires action from the person following the event. This means that once a person is saved, they must try to live in the ways the God has commanded. It is not a one-time event that makes null the rest of one’s lifestyle, but rather an event that will forever alter one’s lifestyle. I think this is a more biblical understanding of conversion. Why would so much of the gospels include the cost of following after Christ? And why do the authors of the NT letters stress the need to live Godly lives? It is not that these actions initially save someone, but rather that theses actions are an outgrowth of true salvation. If someone claims to be a Christian but does not live a Jesus-like lifestyle, that person should consider if he or she is indeed a Christian in action and not just in word. 

I am a spiritual thing.

“Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”-Jesus of Nazareth

Our relationship with God will be seen and felt by those around us. If it is strong, others will see Christ in us, if it is lukewarm, others may not list “Christ-follower” as a description of us. This is why having a real relationship with God is vital to one’s own life and to one’s ministry. But how is this relationship grown? Through inner spirituality. This is where one’s relationship with Christ takes place. And according to Thomas Kelly, this spirituality is nurtured by the practice of thinking about God and talking to him constantly. Kelly writes that this will at first be “awkward and painful” as it is quite difficult to keep Christ in one’s mind all of the time. But that is where that amazing capabilities of our brain come in. We have the ability to think on different “levels” at the same time. Because of this, we must make Christ the focus of a deep level, even while other things demand our attention on a more superficial level. When we have this constant relationship with God in practice, it will impact every action that we do. It will change the way we talk, the way we reckon, and the way we love. Our spirituality is the basis by which we live. 

Church or action? Church AND action.

Our faith is the means by which we are to engage every aspect of our lives. This is something that William Law wrote about. He wrote that is it far more important to live out one's faith in every aspect in one's life than to be devoted to prayer or church. The bible, indeed, speaks more to the way one is to live than it does to how much one should go to church. I know that for myself it would be easy to only be holy at church. It would be easy to put on an act and "worship" and sing and have all the right things to say but then not let my faith impact my everyday life. I think that overall I am a pretty decent person. I try to do the right thing, obey the law, and tell the truth. But I know that one area, and it's pretty vast, that needs improvement is in my thoughts. I will not be flat out rude to someone, but isn't thinking rude thoughts just the same? My heart is so naturally selfish, and that is where my faith needs to work.  I have a far way to go before I can say that I honestly let my faith control every aspect of my life. Haste the day!

God loves a cheerful giver

I have long struggled with the idea of giving. And this struggle does not just arise out of my selfishness. I honestly just have a hard time understanding tithing. The New Testament does not give clear examples of it as ten percent, rather it says the the Body was giving away everything to serve the Lord and to take care of each other. It is also hard to read passages that say not to give out of compulsion, but then hear preachers condemn those who do not give, as if their "gift" was rather a bill that was due. Needless to say, I am still finding how the Lord wants me to give.  O'Conner wrote about how the needy have a face. And I think this is so beautiful, because it is so much easier to give when the need is more clearly seen. Who would not share their dinner with someone if they knew that that person would go without a meal? And who would not sell a few items of clothing to buy a child a coat for the winter? But while the need remains concealed behind a glistening offering plate, many will not give with sacrificial joy for others in need (I only use physical needs for example. I know that offerings go much farther that physical needs).
I do not have an income whatsoever. The money that is in my bank account is money that I have saved from working at a camp this summer. I have mainly used it to buy food and gas a couple of times. When you do not have a job, spending irresponsibly becomes less possible. I have let God used my money, though. Sometimes that meant buying someone else's dinner, and sometimes that meant giving when I have no money coming in to replace it. I do not think that I have let my money gain control over me. But I know that money can so easily enslave and I want the Lord to constantly remind me that His kingdom is the one that will not end. His kingdom is my treasure.

Churches for churches.

When one often thinks of church plants the images that come to mind are the jungles of Africa or the secret meetings in the night. But America needs churches just as much as other countries do. As the "melting pot" we have a unique opportunity, and even responsibility, to share the gospel with many different people groups. While living in the South, we can forget that there are places even in our own country without Christian churches where people can feel welcomed and presented with the truth of Jesus. And this is where Send North America comes in. Send North America is a mission though the North American Mission Board, which is connected to the SBC.They have a goal and a dream to plant churches all over the US, especially in places where there are not many already. But to do this, pre-existing churches must get involved. Churches grow off of each other. They do not just "happen." This mission God has laid on the hearts of baptists, and it is because of this that we must unite to further God's kingdom with church plants. Each and every church must use their God-given recourses to make this happen. We are stronger when we work together.

BGCT=ministry goldmine

Education and Discipleship. Sounds like an interesting tab right? Well, It really was. I read an article about ministering to refugees, discipleship curriculum, as well as about the role of woman in vocational leadership. Even though I am becoming more accustomed to the concept that many Baptists accept women in leadership, it was still surprising to me to see so many articles about it. There was a whole tab about women in leadership. It is awesome to see that the BGCT cares about educating the Body. They did not push the issue in a harsh way, but rather encouraged readers to pray and seek the Lord and the scriptures to find a better balance of “power” between males and females in a church. The refugee section was really encouraging and helpful because it educated me as to what qualifies at a refugee, in addition to telling me how I can get involved in ministries to reach out to such people. It surprised me that the BGCT really went into detail to make sure that they were not just presenting issues (refugees or hungry) and leaving it at that, but they encouraged action and partnership with other denominations and organizations. Once again, I am really excited to be able the use the BGCT as a ministry resource. How did I not know about this before?

Finally. Intelligence.

The article I chose for this blog is about prayer in schools. It talks about the origins of prayer in schools, and some of the political issued surrounding it today. It was really great to read this article from an intellectual point of view. Often Christians get so emotionally caught up in arguing for prayer in schools that they do not look at it logically. This article is just one example of the political relevance of the Baptist Standard. This newspaper brings attention to all areas of faith, culture, news and politics. Christians would be encouraged, informed, and challenged by their findings in the Baptist Standard. I was pleasantly surprised by its diversity. 

http://www.baptiststandard.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=14293&Itemid=53

Siblings in the Kingdom.

As Christians, our communion with Jesus is key. Through salvation, we have been brought into an intimate relationship with Jesus. But what we often forget is that we have also been brought into a relationship with other Christians. We have become a family with God as our father, and others as our siblings. As a family, we need each other to accomplish things that we cannot do on our own. Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes that we need each other for encouragement in times of confusion and uncertainty. Bonhoeffer writes, "He needs his brother as a bearer and proclaimer of the divine word of salvation." This it so true. When a human is struggling it is so hard to preach the word to oneself. What that person needs is for their brother or sister in Christ to come along side of them and proclaim the truth. We are to relate to each other as siblings of a united family. We are to lean on each other, bring the word to each other, and bear each others burdens. After all, we going to be spending an awful long time together one day, we might as well truly love each other now.

Struggling Ministers.

     It is possible, and I would even say common, for ministers to struggle in their relationship with God. Because ministers are constantly surrounded by other ministers, Sunday school classes, small groups and even the bible itself, they often forget to put time aside to personally engage with God, and not just be in the word for the sake of sermon planning, etc.

     Another reason, which I found in Richard Rolle’s writing, that ministers can become disengaged from God is because they might value other things as more important that God. We might be temped to pursue the temporary pleasure and love of earthly things. The danger of this, as quoted from Rolle is that we become “spiritually frozen” when we no longer rely on the love of God inside of us.

     Both of these reasons for not having an intimate relationship with God are harmful to oneself, to ministry, and to family (both church and literal). When a minister is not being personally renewed and filled with the spirit though a right relationship with God, that person will end up wearing himself or herself out. A person can only rely on his or her own strength for so long. When this happens, the church suffers under a leader who might be very clearly losing love for the church and passion for the Lord. In addition, a minister’s family is sure to feel the consequences of a lack of intimacy with the Lord. One consequence that I have seen is when a child grows up with said minister and begins to see the hypocrisy. This can lead to a negative view of the church in general, or even of God.

     So how can a minister avoid being distanced from God? By remaining close to Him. This includes setting aside proper amounts of time for that individual to personally engage God. A minster should not get to caught up in the churches problems, that he or she forgets to see and correct his or her own. And while a minister is often teaching the word to others, he or she must not forget to be taught the word. One must remain ACTIVE in pursuing the Lord. 

Baptist Foundations

At the start of the Baptist denomination Thomas Helyws wrote a letter to king James of England arguing for religious freedom for all individuals. He wrote that each individual will stand before God and be judged by him alone, therefore leaders should not be so oppressive in their religious standards. Freedom to exercise personal religious conviction lies at the very foundation of the Baptist denomination. This is important to remember today as Baptists. We so often condemn our fellow Christians for having different convictions than us, without realizing that each person will stand before God. While we should still hold each other accountable to clear biblical truths, we should not be so condemning of less clear convictions. 

Another principal that the Baptist denomination was founded on is the importance of missions in every Christian's life. This is seen when Johann Gerhard Oncken says, "Every Baptist a missionary." Baptists in the past have taken the great commission seriously in funding and participation in missions. As Baptists today can be involved in missions in many ways, it is good to remember that missions are a part of what makes a Baptist a Baptist. Missions is something that has and should continue to be a foundational commitment in our lives. 

Hindered prayers

"Prayer is friendship for God. Friendship is not formal, but it is not formless."-Buttrick

In my own prayers I tend to lean more towards the side of formless. I do not think about how I am praying before I pray, I simply start talking. Buttrick warns about this when he wrote about rushing into the presence of God. By not having any form whatsoever in my prayers, I often hinder my requests with unconfessed sin and selfishness. It is the same in human friendships. It is very hard to have an  intimate conversation with a friend if one is keeping a secret from the other or if that person has wronged the other and will not recognize it. Before, I never really understood the importance of having any sort of form in the way I pray, but now that I have examined them, I see that they could be very beneficial to my own life. This recognition, for me, will be the first step to avoiding the formless prayer. The next step will be to put into practice a sort of from in my prayers. I should write down a little list to put into my Bible to help me remember. This will help me make sure that the order of my prayers is guiding me into intimacy with God and that I should not just rush into making requests.

A Foundation

I procrastinate in prayer. I know that if I do not set aside a time and a place, prayer will not just work its way into my life. And yet I always put it off. Always hopping that tomorrow will be better without actually determining why or how it will be better. Singh wrote that the habits we form now are the foundation for our eternal life. And this is really a cool way to look at my prayer life, because I am setting a foundation for my relationship with God that will span into eternity. Maybe one day I'll be walking with God and heaven and I can say "Hey, remember when I use to take walks and talk with you on earth?" That's a goal worth striving for. Some ways that I can implement prayer into my life is to set a time and not waiver on it. If I cannot make an appointment with God and keep it, I do not really value the relationship. I will have to literally set an alarm and not make plans during this time. It seems somewhat harsh, but I need to check my priorities and see who is the most important person in my life. And I want that person to be God, not myself or others.

Studying is kind of like worship.

      God does not take delight in half-hearted lives by those who say that they are his followers. We must be all in, 100%. Edwards puts it this way “In nothing is the state of our heart so crucial as in religion, and in nothing is lukewarmness so odious.” Our passion for Christ must work its way into every aspect of our lives, including education. Our passions affect the efforts and integrity with which we engage our studying. When I do not feel like putting my all into a project, I think of the passage that tells servants to work hard, as if to the Lord and not to man (col. 3:23).  I am a servant of the Lord. The purpose of every aspect of my life is to glorify God, and my work ethic points to the one to whom I am working for (God, not teachers). Likewise, my schooling is affecting my passion for Christ. I am so blessed to be able to be taught by professors who are not only willing to teach me the truth, but also to live it out. The things I am learning here at ETBU are undoubtedly bringing me closer to God. The more I learn about God and his character, the more I fall in love with him. The more I learn about service, the more I am drawn to serve. Through the days of stress, I have learned to be calmed by the peace of God. Religion that can be separated from everyday action is not true religion. Faith without works is dead. 

Prayer=awkward and powerful?

      Pray has never been easy for me. So the prospect of going to church for an hour to pray was a bit intimidating. I will be honest in saying that as I was praying, I did not always feel as if I was being productive. If I am not talking the entire time during prayer my mind starts to wander, therefore listening is complicated. And this happened. I would speak to God then remain silent to listen and my mind would go into complete thought chaos. I did this on and off for about half an hour. I then took out a piece of paper and began writing out my confusion. And before I knew it, what started out as a fleshing out of a prayer problem turned into prayer. I have written out my prayers before, but today I think I came to an understanding that it is ok to do so. My written out prayers are not “less” prayer-like than prayers merely spoken inside ones head. Despite my struggles during the actual prayer time, I do feel like I was more prepared for worship through the music and the lesson. I was able to get my heart in the correct perspective before the service even began, instead of struggling to get to that place during the service. This was really cool. I do not often think about preparing myself to encounter God before I get to church. But if I did, how much more would I get out of the lesson and how much more would I be able to engage in worship? 

Holiness, not happiness, is the goal.

     As soon as I read the section about spiritual wrath, I felt as if John of the Cross was writing directly to me. I have been going though this time in my life where I have not been feeling any of the joys or benefits of being in Christ. At the same time, I have been asking myself what I must be doing wrong, and not coming to any real conclusion. I am like the infant he wrote about, throwing a fit for the milk that I once got, all the while not understanding that God is trying to draw me closer to himself. John says that is it impatience. I want God to heal me of my hurt right now. I want to be happy, but what I must need is contentment. I must learn to be satisfied with where God has taken me, knowing that he indeed has a plan for this “dark night.”

Wisdom from friends.

     Lucy’s first blog post really stood out to me. She wrote about how she used to struggle with serving two masters, herself and God. One part that spoke to me was when she wrote about how she got tired of just being good on her own, but she still sought out attention for doing good works. Our acting the part of a “good” Christian causes us to become prideful and then we want the attention for our own “righteous” actions. As Christians, we should stop trying to act good on our own. Instead, we need to give God the glory he deserves for the righteousness he produces in our lives. This was a really insightful way to look at the reasoning going on behind my own desire to receive recognition for my “righteousness.” Most Christian’s struggle with acting good instead of being real and admitting brokenness. I hope we can come to the realization that God is the one who works righteousness in us, anything else is just pride. 

He's scared of being found out.

      Satan’s power to tempt Christians lies in his fierce ability to deceive. Ignatius of Loyola says we are often like an “open door.” Meaning that we do not feel that the urgings of Satan are evil because, often, our own spirit is deceived to think that these urgings are holy. Because Satan is so equipped to deceive, his great fear is being revealed. The Bible teaches us in James 5:16 to confess our sins to one another to be healed. I believe this is because when we reveal our sin, and therefore the temptation and deception of Satan, he no longer has a hold on us. This is one practice that I know I need to put into action more in my life. I often get so caught up in this ruse that there is nothing wrong inside of me that I continue to let Satan hold my sins over me. He continues to deceive me when I will not admit that I am indeed being deceived. Accountability is key; and I need this more on a regular basis. 

These three things.

These three things I ask of God.

1) To have intimacy with him that surpasses all human relationships. I want that intimacy to go beyond merely "spending time" with God, as if He is a friend, to sharing life with God, as if he is a part of myself.

2) To have an unquenchable purpose for all of my days. Not just "one day," but every day, every moment.

3) For God to take me through some sort of event or journey that only He could bring me out of. Similar to Julian of Norwich's desire to be deathly ill in order to "live more to his glory." Only I do not pray that God makes me ill to that extent. It is more that I wish to be taken through a situation (either as a participant or as a witness) where God is the only way out. 

Love from above.

             I, as a selfish human, cannot love God without Him first loving me. Bernard of Clairvaux writes about this. He says that as humans, we are naturally self-loving. I know this is true; I feel it inside of me. It is the reason that I am most concerned with my own needs and wants. How can something that only loves self come to love God? By him loving me first. He showed me what love and sacrifice looks like. He is able to “soften” my heart because of his love. It is only after this that I can comprehend what real love is and begin to return it.

            What about loving other people? Bernard again writes that God must be loved first if one is to truly love others. I see this to be true, as well.  When I love Jesus, he becomee my focus and my desire. His love becomes what I want to share. And the love that he has towards me is the only true love that I can show to others. Human love can be selfish, but Jesus is the perfect example of real love. He is love. He gives me the desire to love the unlovely with purity and abandon to self. Without God loving me, I would not have the ability, or even want, to love others.

Two commands.

          Letting the light of Christ shine through us to others is important, as it shows off Christ to others. I often wonder if Christians, are to blame for the question "Where is God is this horrible world?" If we were to live out our faith in our actions, would not others see the Lord at work within us? If we lived out the love of the Bible, would not others feel it? When we do not live out a visible faith, we do not draw people to God. Others cannot feel the love of God when his bride seems uncommitted to him and his goals. I concur with Willard when he writes about our non-discipleship costing us joy. We loose the joy of seeing others come into the kingdom when we will not share it with them.

          Loving our enemies is something that sets us apart from the world. It is a picture of the forgiveness of Christ. If we will not love our enemies, we will not even begin to understand what Christ did for us on the cross. Our hatefulness and unforgivness costs us appreciation for the cross as well as a peace that comes from living in a right relationship with those around us

What you must do to be a disciple

1)   Rejoice in suffering

2)   Let your light shine before others

3)   Be reconciled to those around you

4)   Get rid of whatever causes you to sin

5)   Do not take oaths, just mean what you say

6)   Do not retaliate to those who harm you

7)   Give to those who ask

8)   Love your enemies

9)   Pray for your persecutors

10)   Be perfect

Show me how to live like Christ.

The first youth ministry I was involved with was FBC Grants. It was at this time in 7^th grade where my faith really began to grow. God particularly used the youth pastor at this church to show me what living like Christ looked like. The youth pastor would hang out with us outside of church, coming to school events or inviting us over to his house to just hang out. He poured into us. His ministry was not just on Sundays and Wednesdays; it was everyday. I look back and I can see that he was discipling us. He was sharing life with us as an opportunity to teach us how to live like Christ did. And because of his witness, many of his students did become little Christs. Many of them have grown up and are following in the footsteps of Jesus (as displayed by our youth pastor) by pouring themselves into other students. If more leaders and teachers in churches would actually disciple their students, the word of God would grow so greatly. 

Will I still be me?

When I struggle with giving all of myself to God, what is hardest to grapple with is not knowing who I will become. God would change me I gave myself to Him.  I agree with Lewis when he writes about how we want to do good things, but still have enough leftovers to do our own thing. That is how I feel. I want to please God and live out His plans for me, but I still want my time, my joy, and my desires. It is fear of the unknown that makes giving myself to God hard. I do not know who I will become. Will I still be me?